"Feel" button, what shape and colour is it?

So here I am sitting facing my laptop and at the same time looking at the soft pour of October rain through my kitchen window. Wondering what the rest of the women around my age is doing. What are their thoughts and feelings at this moment.

My thoughts? well she is clearly contemplating about feelings. And how easy is it is to forget it. And how often in our waking moments we put on our inner antenna  to go looking for it. At all costs (sometimes!)

We tend to forget...how it is to feel beautiful, how it is to feel wonderful, how it is to feel appreciated, how it is to feel loved and love. And the list goes on and on...and on....

We could device a lifestyle that looked as if we don't care when those feelings slowly slipped away from our grip. We just go on doing our usual chores, like for example, making our morning coffee (gulp it) and prepare ourselves for our daily routine in a monotone  robot like efficiency. Or...we can't be bothered to dwell on those feelings and just plaster it with exterior touch ups.

Looked like those breast are a bit droopy? perked it up!!, looked like those wrinkles around the eyes are calling passers by to admired it? stretched it up so it will be shy and be tucked away at least for the next appointment with the therapist.

But does anyone remember the last time we feel really...absolutely gorgeous? Despite the bags under the eyes, or the silver lining on the hair, face naked no makeup/hair extensions/ eyelash extensions? Can you? When was the last time you really looked at yourself and truly say: "my...I do look good!!"

Or the last time you looked at the sky and feel the sensation of falling in love? or even the sensation of those morning coffee liquid touch your mouth and tongue?

How can we find that "feeling" button in our head and have control over it?

Some will say, find your inner peace - meditate. Do what your intuitions tells you what to do, follow your heart and so on...but what does that actually mean?

How could one find their inner peace when one do not have a clue what inner peace is all about? How can you follow your heart, when you have forgotten how it feels to have a heart and owned it for that matter?

I hope I do not sound patronising but I think the biggest problem (or stumbling block) for so many of us, is that we tend to give ourself to be rated, to be painted at a certain light and angle, to be moulded, and to want to be accepted by the outside world and yet we hated the circumstances if the end results are not the same as what WE HOPED THEM TO BE!! And then the vicious circle continues...

We get confused a lot of the time, and be broken hearted many times ( and normally this is the time when we do remember those feelings: however limited to only the despair and sad bits). And when we are left with our own device...the first thing we do is to go and find someone who can tell us what to do (translation:"excuse me, do you happen to be interested in moulding me? my last mould is a bit in a shamble...")

Of course there are really strong admirable women...who we tend to call them a bitch :)) but are they really a bitch though? or they are simply the ones who refuses to be moulded by others and create their own unique stamp in this world?

What I mean by strong admirable women, it is not necessary the kind that talks incessantly or harsh, or abrasive.  But the kinds that knew who they are, what they want and how to get what they want, and most importantly be responsible of wanting and having it.

I wonder if those women always remember how it felt...to become beautiful, to appreciate, to love and be loving, and to be thankful.

What shape and colour of their "feel" button in their head, I wonder?